He Put a New Song in My Mouth

1 Peter 1:6-7 (NIV)
⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Galatians 5:1New International Version (NIV)
5 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
 

             NOTE: Hello, again I finally found the password and email to this little blog!!! YAYA! I am merging my old blogs into this one the original so here is my latest post and update. After almost an hour and a half of searching plugging in passwords and possible emails I finally GOT MY OLD BLOG!! YAY! Time to update and sound more like an adult on here! ( This was posted about 3 weeks ago?) So, seeing from my last post on Journey Down the Narrow it has been another full year!! Sadly this update isn't good but it is wrapped in the mercy and forgiveness and renewing of my spirit in the Lord. If you missed it here it is.

              Hello, thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope whatever I write can bless and encourage you in your walk with Christ I want to say your not alone in your struggle. The devil is a master at making the Christian feel alone and ashamed. He knows we feel guilt for wrong doing but throws lies to the other extreme in our faces that no one will understand or that we are past forgiveness and how could a child of God fall so far, it is better to hide the sin or guilty feelings inside and the list goes on.

             I want to say I have been there, that low point where the devils lies is what I lived on and in believing them got caught up in a lot more trouble than I thought I would encounter. So, strap in this will be a long story but I will keep it as simple as possible.
             For people that know me well life has not been an easy one for me and trail and tribulation have been following me for the past six years. I was growing in the Lord and learning more how to view myself and learning how God is very dependable but as we know we are not perfect and I feel a lot of areas in my life I was very controlling and really had not gotten reading my Bible down and quite time with God. Work, money and trying to figure out my life and where God wanted me as quick as possible became my god and what I woke up thinking and went to bed crying about. I knew my Bible but I lost touch with it because it never was the first thing I thought of when I woke up maybe a quick thought but by then the devil knew how to distract me quickly and I became quite hard. I foolishly thought spending my time and energy trying to get somewhere was who I was, that my identity was in my job and getting paid well and working hard,  my financial state and if I get college done in the next 3 years and to add on to that I was not consistently reading my Bible I was defiantly out of touch with God and day by day depending on myself to figure out and fight my way through all this. I was a Christian but foolishly was getting wrapped up in my trials and getting hurt by people and jobs giving me a hard time and I was getting tired fighting hard on my own strength and determination! Little did I know that the next trail would shatter everything, and I mean everything I hoped for, dreamed of and thought I was building, you know the wise man built his house on a rock well I was the foolish man that went away from the original house built on rock and started building one on sand.
                August 22,2015 will be a day I will never forget. A day that is becoming a scar but will always be a part of me. A day that my house would be washed away and destroyed I had no where to run but that original house that was build on a rock. The house that belonged to the Lord and was built by the Lord.
             August 22, 2015 I was raped and molested at a friends cousins birthday party.
    I can not explain to you the pain, the confusion, the death in my heart and soul, the panic attacks, the anxiety, the denial that ran in my blood. My whole world fell apart that day and I lost myself. August 22,2015 was the day Monique Michelle Hanley lost everything she thought she was and what she built her identity on. I grabbed on to anything I could see and tried stuffing into the hole that was gushing with blood only to be disappointed and hurt worse. I trusted people to understand and to fill the whole and make me feel something but only to be back stabbed and brought lower. I have been in the deepest part of hell and have felt totally alone and lost for forgiveness. I knew the Lord was with me and somewhere there but the devils lies kept me running to the wrong things because how could I as a Christian claim God as my Lord but struggle so hard and feel so dead and damage myself.
                  Skipping ahead a bunch of months to February the middle of it. Through that time a lot of things happened panic attacks, therapy, trying to continue life, friends being supportive etc. but February marks the month I found my identity and it was only in Christ.
      I went to a retreat with a church named Jacksonville Chapel I believe in January and I believe it was there the Lord began re teach me about His love and my identity. He taught me how I was living a work salvation gospel and broke me off that little by little. Romans 8 given to me by my friend Rachel helped me see my guilt and feeling not good enough were work salvation and that God loves me and doesn't condemn me and sees me a holy and righteous. In myself I am not good enough but God sent His son because He loved me to wash away my sin so He can call me His daughter and have a relationship with me a personal and deep one. I now have that same spirit God gave Jesus in me but it is not in my strength or my ideas but the Lords. Fast forward to February I had a new view of God and He was finally my Father, my healer and my source of comfort and my guide.
            So, in conclusion my rape doesn't define me if anything my rape brought me close to my Saviour.. My God and My King. No person has ever minister and worked so strongly in my life to confirm that He is with me but my heavenly Father, He was with me in the darkest nights even though I could see Him. The Lord used my rape to strip me of my dependence on me and showed me my heart of work salvation and dependence on myself. The Lord didn't leave me there but met me and used Jacksonville chapel, Rachel, John and Piero and even some work friends to prove to me that He never left me. Even though this time was rough the Lord saw it fit for me to be still shining as a light to others in my trails.
            With all that said I did leave out a lot of detail maybe we can meet for coffee and I can explain more in depth of my story but today I stand in the strength of my Lord. I have made amazing progress in a month or twos time but that was the Lord in me. Though I had works salvation tendencies( I grew up in church and catechism and theology)  God has blessed me to be able to apply the knowledge I did have and use it in a better way for His glory and put it in the right place. It isn't head knowledge anymore but deep heart beliefs and dependence on my God.
            I have felt the attacks of the devil, I have felt the Lords presence and the Lord fighting for me against the devil and I have seen Him work, I have witnessed answered prayer, I have witnessed his use of other people in my life that I have either never met or came back into my life. I have seen Him change His daughter into a woman of God and He has given me what I need to be who I am my identity which is a woman of God. It is in God that I can be who I am and forever I will bless His name for He is holy.
         So, anyone out there struggling and is lost and is at the brink of despair please talk to me or message me and let me show you the good things the Lord has done. Your not alone, I have felt such sorrow and despair for a long time but I know we need to lift our weak brothers up and let me comfort and share with you my life but I won't show you my life but the life God has called me too and made for me out of my weakness and self dependency . Here is my Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/Peabodylover and my email: mmhanley123@gmail.com.
            If you have questions or would like to know more please let me know. To warn you I don't talk about the details of my rape I am still working on that and seeing a Christian therapist for that.
          I ask for prayer because I am not a perfect person and have days of sadness and worry but the Lord is ever before me ready to fight for me but we can't let the devil come and take the Word away because he will stop at nothing for us to doubt God's holiness and His perfect love for His people. The Lords call to Salvation and repentance is always open not matter what you have done or how low you have dragged yourself down. You need to see your need for Him because He hasn't come to save those who think they don't need healing ( Pharisees where a prime example of this ) but those who do and see that they do. Don't let pride keep you from letting the Lord change your heart... the Christian road isn't easy at all and will never be every day will be a battle but Jesus' Spirit is in you comforting and guiding and teaching you about the power that is really inside of you through Christ but how can we learn more about Christ unless He teaches us through hard trial and rips the world from our hands and that hurts but never forget the power of God and His love who is there to comfort and give you a hug and show you He is worthy to be put first in your life and will teach you and never give up on.

1 Peter 1: 6-7 says

           In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
                               I strongly believe this horrible situation was the time the Lord used to test my faith and to fix me and rewire my trust, allegiance and devotion and love to be for God alone. . So, I believe I was a Christian then in my time of great weakness but God used this trial to show what was genuine faith looked like and to show me how valuable and beautiful it was and I have tasted and seen that God is who He says He is and is Holy with out blame and as a result He put a song in my mouth and gave a heart longing for his glory and honor. Glory be to God.

   So, I leave you with Psalm 62:

 Truly my soul finds rest in God;
    my salvation comes from him.
² Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

³ How long will you assault me?
    Would all of you throw me down—
    this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
⁴ Surely they intend to topple me
    from my lofty place;
    they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
    but in their hearts they curse.^[b]

⁵ Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God^[c];
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸ Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

⁹ Surely the lowborn are but a breath,
    the highborn are but a lie.
If weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
    together they are only a breath.
¹⁰ Do not trust in extortion
    or put vain hope in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,    do not set your heart on them.

¹¹ One thing God has spoken,
    two things I have heard:
“Power belongs to you, God,
¹²     and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”;
and, “You reward everyone
    according to what they have done.”

Restless

So, want to know how I am feeling as of today?
Between trying to find another job, looking into colleges, looking at majors, I am feeling frustrated.
I feel I have an in general idea of what I would like to do and what I need to do in the  present to help but I do not have the detailed blue prints and I am restless. I am at a point where I am ready to fly but there is a hump and I cant tell what it is or how to get over it
 This poem explains how I feel.....
Restless- By Me
Here I sit, same place, same smell
I am itching to move
I dream big but still standing in the same place
Watching people go by while I still stand in the same spot ...
Wanting to fly away but my feet are shuffling on the ground
My mask is hiding my restlessness
Wait on the Lord yes I will but inside a fire is stirring
and I am not sure I can keep this mask on forever
People say don't stay in the past or future
So, I fight to stay in the present and fight my demons
To dream big, not to doubt, to work hard no matter what others are saying
Don't let words or people success trip me up to question my path
So, here I sit, same place, smell, itching to move
I keep still and do my thing, waiting for my time

I am quite faithless and believe that I am going to be stuck paying student loans for another 2 years like I have been and my future looks bleak. I feel that I'm just going through life in a fog, my mind and heart elsewhere....
I heard good advice which is in my poem which is " Don't stay in the past or the future, it can and will mess you up" Not that it is bad but they said that the present is just important and more valid.
The Bible does say do not worry about the next day for that day will take care of itself,
I feel I do the floating though the present too much, I am so out of  tune with the blessings and the work I am doing right now. I am blessed to be working for the most real family ever and I am starting to get back on my feet and the Lord has blessed me with a deeper sense of Him but I am dreaming and reflecting too much in the future and the past that I am missing the now and blessings of air, birds, and sunshine....
Wow, think I just taught myself a lesson, see when we take the time to see how faithless we are and search for it we can see our habits of faithlessness and attack it.
Blessings and Keep the Faith
Monique

Wise in The Lord

Hello, whoever is out there taking the time to read this. I send my greetings about 3 years later.
Can I just say it was amazing reading my posts from the past, those were such hard times and it is amazing to see  God blessing me with wisdom beyond my imagination that I did not know I could utter or express.

So, here I am 22 and I would say quite different from 19,  the difference is huge  and I mean personality wise and character wise. I would say years 21 to 22 gave me my back bone and made me more reserved and quite and more aware of things around me. I developed this tough girl layer of skin that comes in handy but can trip me up if I use it for hiding from situations instead of dealing with it. I also got a huge bitch slap from life in every  area of my life so I would say I have been stretched father than I thought I would ever be stretched. Between crazy emotions, crushes, spiritual backsliding, family stuff, future, working, providing for myself, financial problems, sin I would NEVER think I would have a problem with, it has been a time of redesigning of Miss Monique Michelle, God literally struck every area of my life and is now in the process of remolding.

Basically what I am getting is that I thought I had an idea of who I was. Monique was a happy- go lucky, free- spirited, loved to laugh and loved God and would be done with college like every one else, have a boyfriend and eventually get married and have those babies she has always dreamed of.
Having God struck every area of my life and remold make me realize that my expectations where very low and not even in  full sync with God, there was more to me than I thought. God used my situation and people to show me that what God has for me I need to pull my focus on what God teaches me which is that I am a walking declaration of the gospel and my thoughts are not God's thoughts and it is o,k, to live and make mistakes but that communion and abiding with Christ is so important though the growing and the learning, always coming back to the gospel and what Jesus did.
So, I encourage you to STOP...... and to examine the dearness of the gospel and dwell on Jesus.
The most important thing I, have learned so far in life is that connection between God and you is the most important thing and powerful and amazing thing and you need to search it out  because what you think it is defiantly not the full picture plus the Bible says of  What man can understand the ways of the Lord  but our lives are based on growing that connection and understanding it and deepen our relationship.
I feel modern Christianity stays on God being a loving Father but there is so much more. Like sins that blind us from the truth of God, or how God hates sin and loves justice, and a God who is keeping this world who wasn't created for all this evil and is keeping the world from destroying us and if God left even a tiny section with out His guidance we would be destroyed.
I would love to keep going but I think we should stop there and I leave you with this Psalm. It is my favorite but David is the best who understand the thirsting after God and how important it is to be seeking, meditating and dwelling of our connection to the amazing, powerful, faithful, longsuffering  Lord....
( King James Version)
O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;
² To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.
³ Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.
⁴ Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.
⁵ My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips:
⁶ When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.
⁷ Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.
⁸ My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.

Many blessing in the month God bless,
Monique

All- Knowing God

Hey, I hope you are all well and growing spritually in the Lord. I just wanted to share a small thing and here is the quote below:

    We worry often about the future and stress and fret, like we don't have an all- knowing God and Saviour. We forget the promises of God, that He promises us, " I will never leave you or forsake you". You probably hear that quote or line all the time, and might roll your eyes and say " I KNOW that." but do you? If we knew that we would not worry like we do about our future in such a way in that we act like there is no God on the throne and we need to fend for ourselves. It is defiantly easier said then done.
                Sometimes when we are fretting about our future and such ,it shows that we are depending on ourselves to have a bright future or just make things work out for ourselves for the future. We need to be remembering that our lives our hide in Christ, to actually rest in the promise " I will never leave you or forsake you" ,means we know that our lives are hide in Christ and He will not forsake His people. In Him we have eternal life, we now have hope in the good and bad because we are redeemed. That all things work together for good for them that love God and are called according to his purpose. We can believe that because God SAID it. He does not break or forget his promises as the Psalms state.
         So, let us rejoice in the unknown future because as Christians, we are in the hands of the ALL-KNOWING God. How safe and secure is our lives in His hands? Let us pray to have hearts that flee to Him and cherish what He has promised.
In Christ,
Monique

Back From the Dead and I Got New plans :)

      Hello, I am back from the dead. I am finding a new way to run this blog and I have come to the idea to help shorten the blog by sharing inspiring verses and quotes and sermons I have heard. I would love to post like I did before but it is not relistic or possible anymore. So, I will be posting at least 4 times a week some quote or verse that spoke to me!
       My college and Career is going over 1 Peter and there is so much about who God is so I defiantly am glad to share there.

Today is my 20th Birthday and I have something to share!

                I just wanted to write and show you how blessed I have been by an ever faithful God. Today is my 20^th birthday.  Today actually marks a pretty huge day for me.  Today marks the day that I am an adult. My career choice and what I know where Christ is leading to me demands me to take on full time job as a CNA and be in the adult world now. Looking back in the past and all I have been through it’s been so clear, that God was preparing me for this step, he has given me the advice I need to hear and the “ experience”.

                My 19^th year  of age was probably the hardest year I have ever faced. I use to blame it on how things went and that was my portion in life and God was testing. When I now know the events and the trials that went on… were there to help prepare me for this big step into the adult work and claiming adult things, not just to test me. That God has higher plan then the right now! I In my 19 year learning experience, I handled thing very immaturely at times ( a lot of times). I have great parent who expect the best of me and want the best of me, my parents dealt  a lot with the immature me and pressed on expecting the best for me and of me cuz they knew I was able, I wasn’t doing that part and owning up. So they kept on me and labored like great parent are supposed to.

                I had a lot of learning to do last year and looking back at it….. I overcame it with Christ help. Not that everything today is answer perfectly but everywhere I see how God worked by matching this small thing with that etc. He has given me and reminded me that waiting on the Lord is the most important thing but not just waiting but as we are waiting for God, to grow more in Him, not to sit back and wait for and answer but to follow hard after God.  This is one truth I have kept close to my heart, because I listen to sermons that pointed this out over and over again during my 19^th year! God works in GREAT ways! That is the main thing I am taking with me as I struggle and make my way into this world.

                I have gotten a lot of input on my decision on taking full time as a Certified Nursing Assistant and mostly possible not go back to college.  I have defiantly let what other people say, affect my decisions. My dad has been the most helpful in this big decision! He said something that I will always keep close to my heart! He said (paraphrasing)”” that if you believe this is what God wants you to do then do it with all you have. I don’t want you to do anything that God doesn’t call you to do! If he has called you to serve then serve and follow God with all your might! Don’t let anyone lead you away from what God has called you to do and be.””” I keep that close to me, because it’s so true and reminded me of God faithfulness to those who are faithful to him!

                My dear mother was a huge help for me, (in the physical sense) realizing what I needed to Do: to get to where I want to be. She kept telling me you can pray to God and trust him (the first thing of course not to less the value) but you have to GO AND DO IT ( see again the following hard after God)! I was praying and waiting and not DOING! One day she said to me: (Paraphrasing).”” Monique, you have decided  go  right into the work field so that means you are now entering into the adult world and need to do adult things and act like such. You have a job and bills and much more than people in your high school class because they are not choosing the path that you are. They are in school and don’t have steady job and will work later. Stop comparing yourself to them and do what you need to do, and act like an adult, which you are allowed to because that is the road you have chosen.””” That in itself just made me realize that is it in my power to do, to go and trust God. I can say I trust Him but if I don’t go and do then what faith is that? I need to throw myself into the work I believe he has called me into.

                In my conclusion, I want you to learn from my mistakes and follow HARD after Christ like it says in the Psalm 63! You defiantly can pray and wait on God but even while you wait, follow hard after God!   God can’t use you unless your willing to follow no matter what!

                This is what I have learned and I feel so prepared and safe in God and can go and do, what He is calling me to!

The reality is that even if you are following the ""wrong"" path ( I use that very lose because God will have you where He wants you to be at the time, so it's not nesesarrly wrong path, if you are a Child of the King) you are on, God will direct no matter what! Think of all the missionaries that thought God was calling them here and they worked hard where they thought God wanted them to be and things fell through and didn’t work out and God called them elsewhere and guess what they did… They were confused at first but the followed hard and strong anyway on the new path God put them on!  Even Paul in the New Testament is a great example to!  Missionaries I was thinking of were George Muller and Amy Carmichael! So, don’t be afraid of choosing the wrong path, God will direct your path if you trust in Him with your WHOLE heart, no matter where He puts you!
 

Part 1- Sin and Continual Prayer

Hi! I am excited to write so I am going to jump in, but one thing is that I am going to do this in parts. I will explain to you what God has taught me though some of my trials.
        So, Part one is about dealing with sin and God; one on one. Sometime we think," I need to to hear a good sermon to realise my sin".  Maybe even we might think God will have something bad happen and then I will know what sins to get ride of. Whatever the case may be we need to understand that the Bible COMMANDS us to search out and put to death our sins. My favorite verses to use and think about is James 4:8 and Matthew 6:13.
                James 4:8- Draw night to God and he will draw nigh to you, CLEANSE your hands, ye sinners: and purify your hearts ye double minded
            Matthew 6:13- Watch and pray, that ye enter not in to temptation:the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak

   I think this applys well. James tells us that we need to cleanse our and purify. Verse 7 before that talks about how we must submit to God resist the devil and he will flee from us. We are not a perfect people yet, we as christian need to daily cleanse and purify AND draw near to God. Everyday we need to be in full pursuit of dying to sin and self. We defiantly have times where God is blessing us and such. Still we need to draw night to God, so He can show us the things HE hates and hate them. So He can show us the things He loves and loves them. Don't be slack with your soul anytime. God says in Matthew we need to watch and pray to NOT to enter into temptation... and temptation is the act before we sin. Jesus was tempted but He didn't fall of course because He is God, but Christ is a GREAT example of watching and PRAYING. So many time it mentions Jesus going to a place to pray and be there for hours. He was able to face the Satan because He watched: knew all scriptures to us against Satan and He Prayed: He was lead by the Spirit meaning He was in communion with the Spirit. That is the example He set and is showing us we need to be in continually prayer agains sin. Some people say " Oh how long should I pray and when?"  God says watch and pray, I can't give you an answer to you but I can leave you with a thought. The most important thing in this world, the one thing that really matters in this world is your soul. God commands us to live lives separate from the world, meaning that our main focus is GOD and loving our neighbor and our souls and renewing our minds like Christ as He has commanded; dying to self because we as christian are being formed like Christ. Do what is necessary to keep close to our Dear and Precious Saviour ( that might be giving up a few things to spend more time in prayer) Of course we do not want to go into extremes but let watch and pray against temptation.
             It says at the later end of Matthew the spirit is INDEED ( meaning " of course" or "  it defiantly is" willing but the flesh is weak. We may have good intentions for doing this and that for God but let us watch and PRAY. Let us kneel before our Maker that He may show us our sin and that we can PLUCK it out! We need to continue in prayer. I believe our flesh is weak part applys alot to prayer. We may start out well praying for a week but then we die away and just LET it fail . A Preacher named Paul Washer put it so well ( paraphrasing here) He said, ""that it is easy to start in prayer but to continue in prayer is another thing. We need not to stop praying when we feel defeated at prayers, we need to wrestle and fight to continue in prayer. We are to easy to give up, but God commands us to pray with out ceasing even when it feel we are cold against God."""  Pray with out ceasing is not just continually praying for someone but when we don't feel like praying to wrestle with ourselves and tell God we want to pray but can't. God wants to see his Children call out to Him in their weak state, we don't need to come to God with everything going right with us or even when we are struggling some things.  Come to God with the deepest darkest things in your heart.. ROOT out that evil sin and confess it to God. Well, I will leave you with this verse to part one....  (  Part two will be up next week )!

                Ecclesiastes 12:13-Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: FEAR GOD AND KEEP HIS COMMANDMENTS, FOR THIS IS THE WH0LE DUTY OF MAN.
May God Bless you,
Monique